Tails and Portholes Nereid Review 7/10

Tails and Portholes is a small US based business run by a mer-lady named Brandie, she’s very helpful and easy to talk to over on the Etsy platform she uses to sell her nautical wares. Everything she creates is Mermaid themed, she clearly has a huge passion for it and I strongly believe passion drives great products.


Whilst I’ve never had any sexual interest in fish, mermen or any other sea dwelling creature, seeing the Nereid in all its scaled half-man half-fish glory really did peak my interest. Large girth, curved shaft, wide pronounced head AND texture… not to mention the awesome colouring options and the promise of squishy dual density silicone. It’s safe to say I was caught, hook line and sinker.

When I finally got my hands on the Nereid I was super impressed by the amount of squish to it. The dual density does a great job of holding the curve of the dildo and still allowing for maximum flexibility. The mould used to make the Nereid is clearly not flawless, there are dents, but it’s a handmade toy and I expect as much. The scales on the other hand are absolutely stunning and superbly detailed.

There is a fairly obvious imperfection on the head, and until the mould has been remade it will be the same for any Nereid you buy. Brandie has made a note of this on the product information over at Etsy. The other slight issue I have is the base is quite large and clunky to hold and to look at. But my overall impressions of the Nereid is that it’s one heck of a stunning fish inspired penis.


The Nereid is the second girthiest toy I own (5.5” circumference at the widest point) but its superbly squishy silicone ensures that it doesn’t ever feel uncomfortably filling. The defined head really works well for me, as does the dual density curved shaft. My G-spot doesn’t feel battered by the Nereid because it’s so wonderfully soft and squishy but it certainly doesn’t forget it’s there either.

Because of scales and because well… Silicone, I advise a lot of lube. I now use water based anal lube with the Nereid as it’s thicker. Unfortunately the scales that I absolutely adore looking at (And were a big part of the reason I purchased the Nereid) just don’t feel as good as they look. My first play with this toy left me feeling quite sore and scraped, by the end of the session I’d used half a bottle of lube. They do feel amazing on insertion, but when I pull the shaft back (in order to thrust of remove the dildo) the scales catch on me, sometimes this sensation feels alright, almost tickling but most often it just feels like I’m being scratched by it.

I certainly can’t thrust hard and fast with this dildo because of the scales, and the friction/pulling that ensues from them. Neither can I enjoy slowly inserting and pulling it out repeatedly like I normally do with textured toys. But with short quick jiggles I can reach a fairly satisfying G-spot orgasm due to its ideal girth and curve.

My Nereid has a fully functioning suction cup, however they are no longer advertised as having suction cups, and there’s no option to add one. I don’t mind particularly because I find it more hassle to ride a dildo on a wall or the floor than just thrusting the dildo with my arm. Yes I’m lazy.

Obviously due to the scales you really should pay extra care to clean the nooks thoroughly, or you can safely boil the Nereid for a few minutes. This makes me very confident of the silicone quality, plus I did a flame test which it passed… with flying-fish colours.

My Nereid is also glow in the dark, this is an added effect and you will need to go on the specific listing for glow in the dark to purchase one. It does cost a little extra to add this. But hey… it’s awesome! The colours of the Nereid you buy are completely up to you; You can either pick from Brandies listings of pre-set colour mixes or fully customise the colours either 1-3 colours of your choosing or 4-6 for a little extra fee.

Delivery isn’t exactly cheap to the UK and unfortunately I accrued customs charges on the Nereid, taking my total spend up to almost £80. I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy the Nereid if you don’t live in the US, but these things do happen, and certainly add expense to a toy.

I can’t help but love this toy regardless of its flaws, but I’ve learnt that not all texture is good texture. I’d much rather have bumps and ridges over these scales. Have you ever tried to stroke a scaled creature backwards?

Head on over to Tails and Portholes’ Etsy shop if the Nereid has peaked your interest, there are also other designs available over there to pick from!